The Dashing Chronicles: There are good men who know how to treat women
- Winston McLean | June 29, 2017
A few months back I wrote a column that upset a number of people, particularly women. Because I never learn, I’m about to do it again!
In that column, I wondered aloud how our men treated our women prior to contact with the European world and its churches.
And in that column, I stated that some First Nation husbands or boyfriends are responsible for the violence in those homes. Sure, that was an overstatement. I admit it.
Domestic violence occurs in any household, at the hands of alleged men who are of European descent, Asian, African, hell, they may even be Antarctican too.
But let me make this bluntly, blazingly and astonishingly clear: there are some homes where violence does not occur, where the men and boys in them know never to raise their hands or voices in violence.
We should be looking into this.
More to the point, the inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls should be looking into this.
Why are some men able to honour the women in their lives, to lift them up, and create an environment where they both can thrive and flourish?
There is a problem in Canada, and I dare say, on the planet. Some men carry darkness and pain in their hearts, and they inflict damage on those they claim to love.
Getting to the heart of the matter means getting to the origins of this affliction, this curse, this madness. And while we’re digging for clues, let’s examine the equally interesting story, “What was it like before the genocide? What makes the First Nation, and perhaps Metis, story unique?”
How did our ancestors make love and relationships work before the churches and governments burned those truths and practices from our hearts? Are those kinds of connections relevant today?
If that is too interesting, then let’s stick to the fundamentals.
Why are some men, and not others, able to treat our women right?
What is it about the real man that enables him to be his woman’s rock when all around the storm rages? What is it about the punk that enables him to fly into a blinding rage to silence his woman?
What is it about the real man who can nurture, protect and provide for his loved ones? Why does the punk try keep his loved ones from the things that they love?
How can some men, and not others, find the resources within themselves and around them to find a way to a life of joy when “circumstances” try to beat them down?
Sure. I can be a jackass.
In being a jackass my core message was missed in my original column.
But in my defense, I was pissed off. I am a man with a mother, daughters, sister, aunts, nieces, grandmothers, and I have several, gorgeous female friends. And when I see or hear any one of them being mistreated emotionally, mentally, and yes, physically, I will get pissed off.
It just so happens that many of their significant others are or were First Nation men. That remains true.
At other times, they were being mistreated by men of European, Asian, or African descent. I concede that point as valid too. I am unaware of any Antarctican punks at this time.
I have also seen the women of my life encounter absolutely fantastic, honourable men. And some of them were of First Nation, European, Asian, or African descent. Again, no Antarcticans as far as I know, but there could be some good ones there too.
I’m sure I’ve angered some of the same women again for these off the cuff, foolish and reckless wonderings, and for that I cannot apologize. These are not merely interesting, academic questions.
And so far, we’ve only been discussing domestic violence and haven’t even touched on the troubling world of date rape and stranger danger.
So, lets get on with the issue.
Some men are leading lives worth modelling. Our men, First Nation men, could learn a thing or two from them.
I include myself in this, obviously. Granted, I consider myself ahead of the curve but I can always learn more. Of that, I’m sure all my exes will grudgingly agree.
Dirk says, Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.