That's What She Said: Just because I don't have children doesn't mean I'm a bad person
- Dawn Dumont | March 26, 2014
I was on a first (and last) date when I watched the movie, The Road. It's a dark movie about a man struggling to keep himself and his son alive in a post-apocalyptic world. During the movie, my date began to cry and I smiled at him because I find it funny when people cry at movies. (It's my reserve up-bringing.) I guess he was embarrassed because he said to me, "The reason you're not crying is because you don't have any children."
I should have said, "Actually, it's because Im not a big crybaby," but I was too busy stuffing popcorn in my mouth.
Instead of being saddened by the movie, I was actually disgusted by it. The movie features a fair amount of cannibalism and much to my annoyance, it's portrayed in a negative way. As a practical person with almost no taste-buds (hot sauce on egg whites is my idea of a fancy meal), I really dont understand the discrimination against cannibalism. If you have nothing else to eat and you're hungry and the person is dead already what's wrong with a little filet m'neighbour?
So as you can see, my date was wrong, I wasn't crying because there's something wrong with me but rather because I'm a pro-cannibal movie-goer.
This is not the first time nor likely the last time that someone has assumed that I'm not a good or kind person because I don't have kids. For the record, I really like the little buggers. Most of my favourite conversations are with kids, like this little exchange - Me: "Aren't you a sweet little angel!" She: "Your breath smells."
I admire and respect parents because I see how difficult it is. When parents tell me how little they sleep, I actually shudder. My coworker said the other day his sleep was suffering because his son was waking up three times a night. And I was like, "I have sleepless nights too, like when I discover a new series on Netflix." The pained look on his tired face suggested that he didn't appreciate my attempt to empathize.
I'm not childless by choice but I've made peace with it. I wasn't always fine with it. A few years ago, after a night out with my friends, the subject came up and I started crying in the cab on the way home. I cried so loud and so hard that my friends didnt want to leave me alone, even the cab driver didn't want me to get out of the cab. It was epic ugly-crying. But after that experience, I was okay. There's only so much crying that you can do over things you cannot control.
Of course there are choices for women like me. I could visit a sperm bank- $127.00 a pop plus taxes (unless you get it delivered to a reserve). I could lower my standards (not happening.) Although at this age, even if I got pregnant, I don't know what kind of kids I'd have. Maybe when I was in my 20's, when my eggs were young and fresh, I'd have had bright and shiny, A-personality strivers. But now, they'd likely be guitar-strumming hippies that I wouldn't be able to connect with. "What do you mean you'd rather spend time with your friends than do an extra credit science project? How are you even my child?!"
There's also adoption. I always thought it would be cool to adopt a 17 and a half year old. Some kid who thought they'd run out of chances and then out of nowhere, I come running into the orphanage, shouting, "Where are your late teens? I'm here for a teenager!" Although maybe I wouldn't word it quite like that.
When I look back on that night in the movie theatre with my date, I wonder if he even noticed how wrong his assumptions were. Because at the end of The Road, the young boy ends up with people who aren't related to him but who love him and want to take care of him and fortunately for him, not eat him. Because, hard as it may be to imagine, human beings that haven't given birth are just as capable of love as anyone else.
But my date was too probably too busy bawling his eyes out to notice.