That's what she said: Love is in the air
- Dawn Dumont | May 15, 2014
In spring, a young person's thoughts turn to love - I blame all the crop tops and shirtless running dudes.
Now I'm not talking about the love that you have for friends, family or Game of Thrones characters, but that other kind of love, the kind that is described in a million different Taylor Swift songs. Here's musical genius Lauryn Hill's take on it:
Your love is like the ocean, and I am like the sand
Responding to your power, a safe place for you to stand.
By the time I was in my early twenties, I had never been in love and was sceptical that it even existed. In university, I asked my roommates about love during one of our hallway meetings. The meetings were informal, occurring just before bedtime in the hallway outside our bedrooms: we'd discuss guys, school and who was eating all the Nutella (me).
One of my roommates was Jill, who treated me with no small amount of contempt because I was from Saskatchewan. I was okay with this though because when she was dropping jokes about curling and mullets, I would stare intently at the hairs that grew on her chin.
My other roommate was Caitlin, a third-year medical student who was the physical embodiment of summer, but not a lame Saskatchewan summer, a long, hot California summer. (Caitlin is probably the closest I've ever come to wanting to jump the Hetero-ship for Good Ship gay.)
At the time both girls were in relationships and so they assured me that love did exist, that it was game-changing and most importantly, that it was coming for me. I didn't believe them. I continued to meander my way through student life: pretending to study, hanging out with friends and going to the mall to look at clothes I couldn't afford.
Then I met Jeff. It was not love at first sight. I thought his head was too large for his body and hips were womanly. (I should have paid more attention to the fact that he had no interests outside of partying and that he was obsessed with Jennifer Lopez, like tattoo her-initials-on-his-neck-obsessed.) I remember being impressed that he was a good dancer because at that stage in my life, I wouldn't date a man who couldn't dance no matter how great they were in every other way. Let me pause for a second to backhand myself.
Alright, back. I fell hard for Jeff. I talked about him all the time to my friends; Im sure they were delighted to hear the minutiae of our relationship right down to the fact that Jeff only wore ankle socks because he hated it when socks rolled down. However, my friends were all in love at the time, so we took turns boring the shit out of each other.
Love felt exciting and calming at the same time. It felt like you could do anything in the world but you didn't need to do a single damn thing because being with your love was the only thing you wanted or needed. Watching TV together for half an hour was more fun than jumping on a trampoline for ten hours (that is my frame of reference go get your own).
Then it all fell apart. Before we get to that I did have a premonition of what breaking up would be like. My boyfriend and I were crossing the street one day. We got separated and I stood on one side of the street while vehicles passed between us and I remember realizing that separation could happen, that being a single entity was an illusion that could be broken at any time.
Our break up was slow and took place over months. It was probably less painful that way but it also meant that I didn't know why I was unhappy. I thought it was normal to stare listlessly at the wall and binge-eat comfort foods. I also developed an unhealthy level of hatred for Jennifer Lopez.
This is the other side of love that Ms. Hill describes:
But when the undercurrents come, and pull you out to sea
I'm left with shells and slippery rocks where you used to be.
Replace slippery rocks with empty jars of peanut butter and that described my state bang-on.
The first break up is the worst because you don't yet know that you can and will survive. So it's scary. But you do make it and you even start watching Jennifer Lopez movies again. (Then you stop because they are generally crap.)
Obviously being in love is worth the risk of the pain of a break up because it if does work out you get someone in your life who makes you feel like you just ate chocolate; and if it doesn't, well, then you'll gain a deeper appreciation for good music.