The Dashing Chronicles: To Vote or Not to Vote, That is the First Nation Question
- Winston McLean | September 14, 2015
John L: A minor media storm is brewing in Indian Country over the positions taken by local and national First Nation leaders in federal politics. Here to comment is Eagle Feather News’ most dangerous columnist, Dirk Dashing.
Dirk: Thank you, John. Assembly of First Nations Chief, Perry Bellegarde, created a stir when he encouraged all First Nation people to vote in the federal election, and then revealed he may not cast a ballot himself. Now he says he is going to vote, though.
John L.: Still. That appears to be quite the contradiction. How do you explain this, “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” philosophy?
Dirk: Well, John, there is a long standing tradition in Indian Country that the role of the Chief, any Chief, is never to take sides in another Nation’s leadership campaign. Your role is to work with whoever gets in.
John L.: So, picking sides endangers your people’s interests. But if you pick the winning side, wouldn’t your people get all sorts of goodies? Some local Chiefs have made out like bandits, endorsing the Conservative or Liberal parties in the past.
Dirk: True enough, John. But if the favoured party loses the winning party remembers who voted for whom, and that community is left out in the cold until the next federal election.
John L.: Which would explain the uproar created by Acting Chief of the Federation of Saskatchewan Indian Nations, Kim Jonathan, when she appeared on stage with federal NDP leader Tom Muclair.
Dirk: You nailed it, John. For many First Nation leaders that was a big no-no. It prompted many to wag their fingers at her in a stern, nun-like manner.
John L: I don’t understand, Dirk. For years I have heard many people complain, “Why don’t the Indians get involved, and pick a side?” What’s wrong with Chief Jonathan picking a side and getting her people involved?
Dirk: For starters, it is not clear that she was picking a side. From what I hear, fourth-hand, from a cabbie who drove by the guy who was setting napkins in the room next door to the hotel down the street from where the event happened, Chief Jonathan was invited to speak about Missing and Murdered Aboriginal Women. Tom Mulcair was innocently standing there, it being his event.
John L. It certainly appeared like Chief Jonathan was endorsing the NDP. How do you feel the other federal leaders will react?
Dirk: Well, I happen to know – and by “know” I mean this is a pure, wild guess – Liberal leader Justin Trudeau dusted off his Shatner 5000 comb and got ready for Chief Jonathan to make an appearance, ‘cause, well, y’know, he’s got nice hair. Stephane Harper on the other hand…
John L.: I believe that’s Steven Harper.
Dirk: Alright, Stee-Vane Harper almost wet himself. He thought to himself, “Finally, a First Nation leader willing to step up and talk about an issue dear to my warm, beating heart!” He yelled, “Senator Duffy, get me your bunk-mate, Patty Brazeau, to get me Kimmy’s phone number. And a translator, for I know not her native lingo.” That’s how he talks.
John L.: Um, I really don’t think that happened.
Dirk: You’re right, John. Harper has no need of the Indian vote. Nor the environmental vote, or even scientists or veterans. He knows all he has to do is appeal to his hard core constituency, who prefer simple answers to complex situations. They turn out in droves. Interesting phrase that, “droves.”
John L.: Why do you say that?
Dirk: “Drove” is an Old English term that means to herd or “drive” animals or people to a certain destination. Today, it can imply having no need to know the destination. All that’s required is a pleasant willingness to be herded.
John L.: Um,…
Dirk: They turn out in droves, John. Meanwhile, students and Indians tend to stay away in droves…. I’m going to regret that last part, right?
John L.: Will you be voting?
Dirk: John, I am not a cattle. I am a bull unicorn-dragon, with a fantastic set of….wings…with dual mufflers for extra power. I will vote.
Dirk says, She asked, “How do you feel about toys in the bedroom?” “Great,” I said, “but I’ll need your help getting all the Lego out of the bed sheets after.”
Click here for our Election coverage, and here for more laughs from Dirk.