Believing in myself is my destiny
- Alyson Bear | December 24, 2019
What I am aiming for in my life is having people around me who respect me. Respecting yourself and other people will show your kids to respect themselves and other people, it will also show other people how to treat you. I am going to speak directly to my life as a sober, single-mother, law student and everything else.
The hustle is real. The new year will be about reinforcing my boundaries and not tolerating disrespectful people.
Over the past few years, I found myself walking away from people who did not believe in me or support my goals, and this has only benefitted my daughters and myself. This does not mean I am cutting off everyone who does not agree with me, I have friends and family members who have different views and beliefs but what is key is being able to communicate, have disagreements and come up with solutions in a respectful manner. The problem with social media and technology today is the breakdown in communication and respect because of it.
No matter what you do, people will always talk and this has nothing to do with you but everything to do with where they are at with themselves. People subconsciously impose their own fears and insecurities onto others. It is hard enough trying to do all this work alone. I would also rather not take on people’s misrepresentations of who I am and how hard I work. Therefore, living life fearlessly by not allowing others to hold me back from taking opportunities because I believe in myself and choose to surround myself with people who also believe in me.
I have found for myself that taking opportunities that you are “not ready for” will open new doors that could lead to ending unhealthy cycles in your life. I am now wrapping up my last year of law school and I officially signed with a law firm. I dreamed of this. Honestly, do I feel ready? Not really. But was I ready to have two kids back to back on my own? Was I ready to quit drinking? Not really, but I am doing it and I am about to be over six years sober. I never thought this would happen so fast. I was told countless times I could not do it as a single mom of two. I am the definition of a “mombie” I barely sleep.
Then add in trying to have a social life and have people drinking around me is not an easy task either. I know being sober, educated, and independent filters out a lot of people on its own. I have also learned to be comfortable on my own. I think society has created this false dependency that we need to be in a relationship. This dependency keeps us distracted from focusing on ourselves. This model of forced dependency aligns with what the government has imposed on us and our communities.
The goal was to assimilate us and “kill the Indian in the child,” they tried to strip us of our identity. I am working on being more aware of my upbringing and our history to know who I am so I can walk proud and confident. We are all important and our children are the ones who need to feel that the most. I am working through past traumas, learning to embrace the healthy traits I have learned, so I can break the cycles of toxic traits that I learned that continue to cycle in our families and communities.
I am learning everyday as I go. I have my breakdowns and I rise back up because at the end of the day my kids depend on me to show them the way. Nine times out of ten they will follow my footsteps and I want to take them down a good path and open all the doors of opportunities that I can. There is no time to waste on questioning my worth because of other people’s insecurities and fears.
I wish everyone a safe and healthy Christmas holidays. I hope you love yourself so that we can show our babies how to love themselves. This can take years but once you’re at that place where you no longer subconsciously self-sabotage your life and are self-disciplined you can create the life you want. It is time to take back our power and that is what 2020 is dedicated to.
You are the creator of your destiny. Once you take back your power it doesn’t matter if you are winning or losing because it is all lessons. Sometimes we need to be humbled to remember we are only human and that we can continue to become better if we so choose it.